is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
