I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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