Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
soo... how was my night?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
