i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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