i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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