dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
