i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
