my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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