Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
