yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
