Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
