yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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