im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
