My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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