yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
