whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
