If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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