I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
