went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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