Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
