What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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