I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
