I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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