Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
