well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
