My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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