he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
