I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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