What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
