I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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