i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
