He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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