If i come over, it means nothing
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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