the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
