If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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