I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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