It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
