But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
