There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
