When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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