I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
