It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
