Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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