i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
