I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
