In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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