he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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