if you like me you must not know who I am
I accidentally burped into my bong.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
PANTIES FOUND
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