The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
