i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
