Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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