It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
