Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I currently don't understand fingers.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
