Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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