you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
