so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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