The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
